RubySoho
Winston
A Survey: How To Handle a Transgendered Seven-Year-Old?
July 2nd 2007 13:45
As some of you may have heard in the news recently, a couple (not sure where, the news was vague on details in an effort to provide some anonymity) with 6 children has found that their youngest is transgendered.
Click here for news segment
Apparently, the boy (referred to in the news segment by the pseudonym George) began exhibiting typically "female" preferences and behaviors from the time he was about 2 years old. As he grew older, it became apparent that he was not at all interested in typical male toys or activities and instead wanted to dress in girls clothes, play with dolls, etc. By the time George was 4, his mother relented and allowed him to try on some girls clothes. The solace and satisfaction were evidently immediate. The boy has been examined by doctors who are of the opinion that George is, in fact, transgendered. The term, for anyone unfamiliar with it, refers to people who believe they have been "born in the wrong body", i.e. a man who feels he should have been born a woman or vice versa.
Before I go further, this already raises some interesting questions. The couple has no female children, so there were no girls toys lying around for George to fixate on. Typically, we think of the stereotypical male/female divides (pink frilly things versus rough and tough things, for example) as more of a result of "nurture" -- social cues and cultural norms that are imprinted upon us at a young age. But George seemed to exhibit these behaviors independent of much exposure to "girl" things. That seems to point towards a "nature" argument, the idea that girls are naturally and innately attracted to typically female things and boys are naturally attracted to typically male things without the help of social cues. For most of us, the nurture position is more satisfying in this case. How would a girl know that pink is "girlie" without being taught? And yet, George's case forces one to think carefully about the role that nature plays in some of our deeply held social behaviors.
Moving on from that point, though, we have the real meat of the issue. George's parents have allowed George to dress and act like a girl (his father came around to that idea somewhat grudgingly) for the time being. He has grown his hair long, and his room is adorned with pink frills, dolls, and other items typical of a young girl. At seven years old, he can still pass for a girl to the world at large. However, that will change before too long. His parents are opting to move him to a new school now so that he can simply blend in as a girl. But for how long? In 3 years, maybe 5, the cat will be out of the bag. And then what?
Here's where I'm stuck, and here is where I'm curious as to what all of you think: how to handle this? If George's parents try to fool his new classmates and teachers, how will they react later when the truth can't be hidden anymore? Sadly, the odds of George taking a beating are high. Persecution by young classmates is almost certain. Then again, he is far too young for a sex change operation. Do his parents forbid him to express his (her?) true self for years and years until he is an adult and can opt for surgery? The resulting depression could be enough to bring about suicidal tendencies. I suppose home schooling is an option, but that doesn't solve everything either. He still needs friends and normal social interaction, which raises many of the same problems. The pros and cons of this issue, for me, seem to cancel each other out almost completely. I truly don't know where I stand on this. Of course, how I or anyone else feels about it is ultimately irrelevant. This is a decision for George and his family alone. Still, it is a fascinating ethical issue to ponder.
What do you think?
Click here for news segment
Apparently, the boy (referred to in the news segment by the pseudonym George) began exhibiting typically "female" preferences and behaviors from the time he was about 2 years old. As he grew older, it became apparent that he was not at all interested in typical male toys or activities and instead wanted to dress in girls clothes, play with dolls, etc. By the time George was 4, his mother relented and allowed him to try on some girls clothes. The solace and satisfaction were evidently immediate. The boy has been examined by doctors who are of the opinion that George is, in fact, transgendered. The term, for anyone unfamiliar with it, refers to people who believe they have been "born in the wrong body", i.e. a man who feels he should have been born a woman or vice versa.
Before I go further, this already raises some interesting questions. The couple has no female children, so there were no girls toys lying around for George to fixate on. Typically, we think of the stereotypical male/female divides (pink frilly things versus rough and tough things, for example) as more of a result of "nurture" -- social cues and cultural norms that are imprinted upon us at a young age. But George seemed to exhibit these behaviors independent of much exposure to "girl" things. That seems to point towards a "nature" argument, the idea that girls are naturally and innately attracted to typically female things and boys are naturally attracted to typically male things without the help of social cues. For most of us, the nurture position is more satisfying in this case. How would a girl know that pink is "girlie" without being taught? And yet, George's case forces one to think carefully about the role that nature plays in some of our deeply held social behaviors.
Moving on from that point, though, we have the real meat of the issue. George's parents have allowed George to dress and act like a girl (his father came around to that idea somewhat grudgingly) for the time being. He has grown his hair long, and his room is adorned with pink frills, dolls, and other items typical of a young girl. At seven years old, he can still pass for a girl to the world at large. However, that will change before too long. His parents are opting to move him to a new school now so that he can simply blend in as a girl. But for how long? In 3 years, maybe 5, the cat will be out of the bag. And then what?
Here's where I'm stuck, and here is where I'm curious as to what all of you think: how to handle this? If George's parents try to fool his new classmates and teachers, how will they react later when the truth can't be hidden anymore? Sadly, the odds of George taking a beating are high. Persecution by young classmates is almost certain. Then again, he is far too young for a sex change operation. Do his parents forbid him to express his (her?) true self for years and years until he is an adult and can opt for surgery? The resulting depression could be enough to bring about suicidal tendencies. I suppose home schooling is an option, but that doesn't solve everything either. He still needs friends and normal social interaction, which raises many of the same problems. The pros and cons of this issue, for me, seem to cancel each other out almost completely. I truly don't know where I stand on this. Of course, how I or anyone else feels about it is ultimately irrelevant. This is a decision for George and his family alone. Still, it is a fascinating ethical issue to ponder.
What do you think?
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Comment by Onesnap
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Comment by postmoderncritic
Postmodern Critic
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
I think that once you can think for yourself it's all about nurture - you can change everything or anything about yourself if you want to.
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
So, for me, the question is "how to get this kid through childhood, through his toughest developmental years, in the best way possible?" For once, I have no idea what to think...
Thanks for the feedback!
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
If he wants to play, do girlie things at home let him but don't make a fuss. All children need time to grow up, this may all resolve itself at adolescence, too much parental or expert focus on this problem that may not in fact actually be a problem, given his young age, in my opinion, does potentially irreparable harm.
Time will tell and the boy should be taught how to handle bullies and stand up for himself just as we all have to.
Extreme bullying which may or may not occur should be reported to the appropriate authorities who should be expected to take action against the bully.
Don't change the school, just let everyone learn to live with it and not predetermine problems that are only potential at this stage as they are for all children.
Interesting topic,
katyzzz
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Then again, the very fact that he IS exhibiting this behavior at such a young age, with minimal influence, makes me stop and think that maybe the situation is exactly what it seems. In which case, sitting back and waiting may not be enough....
There's so many "maybe's" in this issue, it's hard to know what to think. Your comment makes complete sense. I don't know if it will work, but it is profoundly practical. Thanks!
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Kids are curious and don't know from social attitudes until they are in school with other kids. If I were his mother, I wouldn't make a big deal of it--just let him play "dress-up" at home and dress as a boy for school. He'll figure out on his own whether he likes girls or not when the time comes.
..And how utterly bogan of his parents to use that to get themselves on T.V.
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
He is, after all, just a young one finding his way. Later on he can have his say if others keep away.
I'd say too much fuss has been made already.
katyzzz
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
D., you may very well be correct, perhaps this is simply a reaction that spawns from the realization that it gets him attention. This is where I'm stuck. I keep going back and forth between "wait it out" or "address it now".
I appreciate all the various viewpoints here. Generally I post on issues that I have pretty strong feelings about. It's great to receive alternative perspectives about an issue that I'm teeter-tottering on!
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
I think way too much overanalysis is going on with this kid.
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
I'm not saying that the issue ISN'T being over analyzed! I genuinely don't know what to think. My only real point here is that I don't have a point. It's an issue that strikes me as very interesting, but perhaps it's all much ado about nothing. Like I said at the end of my post, it really has nothing to do with anyone except George and his family. The rest of us are just playing armchair analyst.
But I DO think that this goes beyond the "norm" for kids. Lots of boys try to walk in their mom's heels when they're little. There's another level here. That doesn't mean that he's definitely transgendered, but it's enough to raise a flag. IF he is genuinely transgendered (a difficult claim to prove in someone so young) then stifling that could be harmful. If he's not, then this all may just be a phase and thus of little concern. That's what I mean by "address now or later". Does the family act on what the doctors are telling them, and on what they see for themselves, or does the family keep it low-key and just sort of wait for George to figure things out on his own (without changing schools, etc.)? I'm not a parent myself, but I imagine it's a bit of a tough decision.
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
This topic is over my head. I'll stick with religion and politics for awhile
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
The thing I do worry about, is the fact that this kid is going to seriously be a target for bullies. And that could cause as much damage to him psychologically as the issue of whether he should live as a girl or a boy would.
Tough one.
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Bullying is a very large concern. As katyzzz pointed out, it falls to the parents and the schools to shield children from that as much as possible. However, children, being the evil little creatures they are, will find ways to pick on someone different no matter what the schools may do. How to deal with the inevitable bullying is one of the big challenges set before his parents.
Thanks for stopping by Kylie.
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Yeah, it's over my head too; and this is one more reason I'm glad I don't have kids....