RubySoho
Winston
Facebook Is Evil (or i don't need to know what my ex boyfriend's new girlfriend looks like)
January 19th 2009 12:14
There is something to be said for the old pre-internet, pre-social networking website world we have well and truly left behind. It used to be that you could go on a big overseas trip to, oh i don't know, say New York City, meet an aspiring local comedian in Greenwich Village, spend two wonderful, yet painfully short weeks with him, bid him a teary farewell on the subway, promise to keep in touch, get back home to Australia, pine for him for a few weeks, then consign him to the bittersweet annals of your sexual history, secure in the knowledge that he will always and forever more be your aspiring comedian from Greenwich Village and the man who made you believe in love again.
But of course, that was before. Before i accepted his friend request. Oh it started out innocent enough. We messaged each other. We wrote on each others wall. It was friendly and painless enough. But then one day his status changed. And on that day it occurred to me that whoever invented Facebook deserves to have the current boyfriends of all his ex girlfriends paraded before him on an hourly basis for the rest of his life. Never mind that it was more than a year ago. Never mind that I didn't really love him (I only knew him for two weeks for crying out loud). Never mind that he lives on the other side of the world so its not as if we ever stood a chance. Never mind all of that, because nothing can prepare you for the shock and the I've-just-been-kicked-in-the- guts feeling when you click on his profile and his status informs you that he is IN A REALATIONSHIP!
I really didn't need to know that. I didn't need to know that those two weeks will never happen again. I didn't need to know that he has forgotten me. I didn't need to know that he worships the ground she walks on. I didn't need to know that he is happy and I'm still single. I definitely didn't need to know her name and what she looks. And I absolutely, definitely, positively did not need to know that she really enjoyed catching up with him for lunch in downtown Manhattan that day. Damn you Facebook wallpaper!
So why does it hurt? I don't really have feelings for this guy anymore. I do care about him and wish him well in his comedy career (which seems to be taking off). And I certainly want him to be happy. It was merely a holiday fling and although the first few weeks were hard, I can't say that I have thought about him all that much in the months that followed. So why? Why does his Facebook relationship status bother me so much?
Because I feel like it has stolen those two weeks away from me. In my memories, my comedian and my trip to New York were intertwined. One and the same. New York exists for me only as I experienced it. And so does he. Or rather, so did he. He was all mine for those two weeks and so he would be mine forever because my memory would make it so. But, as Facebook so rudely informed me, he's not mine at all. He's hers. And when something takes away your memories, well that's just too much to take.
Some things are best left in the past. We'll always have those too weeks, even if we never have them again. And it's going to be hard but tomorrow I will delete him from my friends list and return him to my history.
That way he'll always be my comedian from Greenwich Village.
But of course, that was before. Before i accepted his friend request. Oh it started out innocent enough. We messaged each other. We wrote on each others wall. It was friendly and painless enough. But then one day his status changed. And on that day it occurred to me that whoever invented Facebook deserves to have the current boyfriends of all his ex girlfriends paraded before him on an hourly basis for the rest of his life. Never mind that it was more than a year ago. Never mind that I didn't really love him (I only knew him for two weeks for crying out loud). Never mind that he lives on the other side of the world so its not as if we ever stood a chance. Never mind all of that, because nothing can prepare you for the shock and the I've-just-been-kicked-in-the- guts feeling when you click on his profile and his status informs you that he is IN A REALATIONSHIP!
I really didn't need to know that. I didn't need to know that those two weeks will never happen again. I didn't need to know that he has forgotten me. I didn't need to know that he worships the ground she walks on. I didn't need to know that he is happy and I'm still single. I definitely didn't need to know her name and what she looks. And I absolutely, definitely, positively did not need to know that she really enjoyed catching up with him for lunch in downtown Manhattan that day. Damn you Facebook wallpaper!
So why does it hurt? I don't really have feelings for this guy anymore. I do care about him and wish him well in his comedy career (which seems to be taking off). And I certainly want him to be happy. It was merely a holiday fling and although the first few weeks were hard, I can't say that I have thought about him all that much in the months that followed. So why? Why does his Facebook relationship status bother me so much?
Because I feel like it has stolen those two weeks away from me. In my memories, my comedian and my trip to New York were intertwined. One and the same. New York exists for me only as I experienced it. And so does he. Or rather, so did he. He was all mine for those two weeks and so he would be mine forever because my memory would make it so. But, as Facebook so rudely informed me, he's not mine at all. He's hers. And when something takes away your memories, well that's just too much to take.
Some things are best left in the past. We'll always have those too weeks, even if we never have them again. And it's going to be hard but tomorrow I will delete him from my friends list and return him to my history.
That way he'll always be my comedian from Greenwich Village.
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
haha
its too tempting not to spy on people hey
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Now, imagine how funny it would be if you could set ur fb status to show the number of kids u have and their ages--- Imagine the shock on your aspiring comedians face as he counts back and realises.... "FUCK! She wasn't a tranny after all!!!"
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
ah alt_ed, i knew i could rely on you to make fun of my pain. okay maybe not actual pain. but i am a little miffed.
Comment by Liz 4
Celebrity Darling
Sometimes it's just better to turn off the computer. I know I've taken my "social networking" breaks from time to time, but there's always that certain someone that draws me back in....
Comment by Paladin
Wheel Fever
Pop Movie Comment
Punk Rawk News
My 19-year-old, professional model neighbour suggested an intimate pose to put on my FaceBook (I'm mid 40's).
Yeah, I know, childish, but it got the desired reaction. The messages stopped.
Comment by Postmodern Critic
Postmodern Critic
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
Are you excited about Inauguration Day?
Comment by Alex Diaz-Granados
Random thoughts from a cluttered mind
I can sincerely say that I have been in similar situations and can really empathize with you.
Take care!
Comment by Jeff Musall
Secular Humanity
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
"OMG have you seen Belinda, WHAT A FAT MOLE!"
It's just simply great!!!
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
"OMG have you seen Belinda, WHAT A FAT MOLE!"
It's just simply great!!!
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Hi Paladin, well its sounds like you had a case of the bitter ex. I don't feel bitter and I don't think he does either. It's just one of those things. Before Facebook we just would have gotten on with our lives completely oblivious to each others love lives. Oh the bliss of ignorance huh?
Hi PoMo, well I still haven't deleted him I have to admit. The thing is I'm not angry with him and I like to know how he's doing so I feel a bit childish. I don't know, maybe I'll do it tonight. Yeah, looking forward to the inauguration. Who isn't? haha
Thanks Alex. Jeff, if you haven't signed on by now I recommend that you just leave it alone!
alt_ed, you are such a vindictive bitch!!
Comment by Janet Collins
Acceptable Etiquette
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Comment by Anonymous
Comment by Journeywoman
Great Hair Style Tips
I Dream of Hollywood
Fashion Peach
It is tough on the heart to hear of such things, to be sure... but I don't think you should delete him from your friends list. If he figured it out (and I'm sure he will) he could misunderstand your reasons for the defriending and be hurt. Just don't go to his page anymore.
Interesting new facebook trend: according to S magazine, the cool thing to do now is get your number of facebook friends down to double digits! This social networking trend still has the potential to completely fade out. We'll have to wait and see.
Great post Ruby.
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Thanks Journeywoman. Yeah, the thing is I don't really want to delete him as I really don't harbour any ill feelings. I just don't like this silly jealousy I am feeling right now. Which is even more silly considering I've been out with a few guys since him. Maybe that's the problem? I've been out on a few dates and nothing has stuck and he has found someone special.
Hi Anonymous, why so nasty?
Comment by Vincent Aceling
Semi Wise
Restaurant Craft
I even wrote a little something on my blog about how FB can be a waste of time or a good tool. But, I know how you feel about the whole relationship/FB thing.
I had lost touch with several females in my life, who have recently found me on FB... befriended me... and I assume spy on me from time to time. Oh well, two tears in a bucket...
Comment by Tania Crivellenti
Written Life
The Dancing Bug
Aussie Folly
Delirios Australianos
Comment by JoshZ
I love facebook. Admittedly it was facebook that told me my younger brother was having relationship problems with his girlfriend before he did.....
Part of me doesn't want to be found by some people that I know. But happily, when you tell facebook you want to ignore someone, it doesn't tell them you are ignoring them......
JZ
p.s. good luck, I hope you feel better soon.