RubySoho
Winston
Family Matters - Pitfalls and Wake Up Calls
July 23rd 2007 19:06
Last week I threw up a quick post indicating that there had been a family emergency on my wife's side, and that I didn't know much else. Well, I'm back home now, and I can say that the short-term crisis is over. Long-term, people have some work cut out for them ahead.
Let me back up to last Tuesday night. Up until about 7:30 or so we were eagerly anticipating our long weekend. We'd planned to start it off lightly on Wednesday night after work with dinner and a movie. Thursday morning we planned to get a bright and early start up into Portsmouth, New Hampshire. It's a great town with lots of good shops, restaurants, ocean tours, etc. For the evening we'd booked a night in York Beach, Maine (about 15 minutes north of Portsmouth) at a nice hotel that sits about 100 yards from the ocean. Some local sight-seeing, then dinner and some beers at the bar while watching the Red Sox game, maybe a stroll out by the ocean before bed....what could be more relaxing? Friday night, of course, we had tickets to go see the Red Sox play the White Sox at Fenway. Saturday was dedicated to going into Boston for the day. All in all, nothing too fancy. Just some fun stuff to do fairly close to home, perfect for a "mini-vacation".
At 7:31 on Tuesday night I asked my wife, Julia, if she knew where our seats were for the game. She didn't know but suggested that I call her brother, whose friend had the tickets. So, I called his cell phone, expecting to be greeted by some obscenity or another (that's normal for us) but instead Julia's mom answered. "Peculiar," I thought to myself. Still, for a moment things seemed OK. But I could hear in her voice that something was off, so I asked, "Is something wrong?"
"Well, sort of..." was the reply. Not really what I wanted to hear. "I'm on my way to the ER just to get checked out. It's probably nothing, I just feel a little funny. My blood sugar is a little high, so this is just to be safe."
We talked for a minute more or so, and then I passed the phone to Julia, who got the same story. She hung up in a few minutes, after insisting that we get a call back to let us know the outcome. At this point now we were both worried, but not overly so. It seemed likely that Julia's mom, who is diabetic, just had a blood sugar spike and needed some meds to get it back under control. Still, humans, being the imaginative creatures that we are, don't do well with time to let things like this fester in their brains. Soon our unease grew, and we began to wonder if a change of our plans was going to be necessary.
It was midnight when the phone rang, with Julia's brother on the other end. Their mom was being admitted. As it turned out, it wasn't just that her blood sugar was "a little high". She didn't just feel "a little funny". She couldn't walk, or feel her left leg. Her blood sugar was up over 500 mg/dL. Normal blood sugar is between 90 and 130 mg/dL. 350 mg/dL is crisis level. 600 mg/dL is diabetic coma. Vacation plans were suddenly looking unlikely, and now it was time to start thinking about heading home.
As she was stable, and we didn't know exactly what we were dealing with yet, we decided to leave right after work the next day if she had not drastically improved before then. It's a 2 1/2 hour drive, so that would put us at the hospital by around 8:00. We went to our jobs on Wednesday, waiting to hear something that would decide our course. The phone call came late in the morning, and the initial thoughts of the doctors were distressing. One word was enough to cause my heart to sink: stroke. It wasn't definite at that point, but it was what the hospital was leaning towards. OK, gotta get out of work early, pack the car and go. Good thing we had this time off from work anyway, we said to each other. I won't lie, though. In my mind I saw our Sox tickets flying away, our time by the ocean disappear. I saw our little slice of vacation, so badly needed, splinter into dust. No one ever said life is fair or convenient. In our case, we know that all too well from experience.
Both of us left work an hour early and got home around 5:00. We quickly packed our suitcase as we both muttered to each other in disbelief about the timing, and about how on earth her blood sugar got so high, and about how to handle issues, household and otherwise, that would be part and parcel of this problem. Everything packed and in the car? Yes? Good, let's go.
Here's where I get to the part where even I, hard skeptic that I am, had to wonder if perhaps we were cursed. About 45 minutes in to the trip, the battery/brake lights on my wife's dashboard come on. Huh. Well, Jiffy Lube did something with the battery when they changed the oil that morning, I thought, so maybe they knocked a terminal loose or something. That made sense to me until the instruments went dead. Speedometer, tachometer, fuel gauge....dead, dead, dead. Clock? Dead too. Car starting to surge/lurch? Check. Ah shit.
We pulled off the highway into a town that consists of 99% trees and nothing. The car was still running, but I had no idea for how long. I'm no mechanic, but I knew enough to realize that something was wrong with the electrical system. We were in the middle of nowhere, and my car expertise consists of knowing how to change a tire. With the car limping along for a mile or so, we realized that we were leaving cell phone range. The last thing we needed was to be broken down and out of communication, so I nursed the car into a sluggish 3-point turn and headed back towards the highway. I made it to a package store (closed, of course. It was 6:30, and this town looked like the streets folded up at 5:15), where some painters were finishing up for the day and packing up their stuff at the building next door. Fortunately for us, these guys were genuinely sympathetic to our situation. They made a couple phone calls for us, racked their brains a bit, and came up with a mechanic in town that they knew. He lived right next door to his business, and most likely would be home to tow us in to his shop. Not having his number handy, one of them suggested that we follow him the couple miles to the shop. That would have worked out great, if the car had not stopped running completely at that moment. Undaunted, our new friend cleared out a space in his car and gave us a ride.
The mechanic was equally accommodating. He probably wasn't thrilled to have a couple of disgruntled, stressed-out 30 year olds dropped on his doorstep at dinner time, but he graciously hopped in his truck and came out to give us a tow right away. He even dropped us off at the Dunkin' Donuts so that we could get a bite to eat while waiting for Julia's brother to make the hour and 45 minute drive out to pick us up.
After promising to call us the following day with a diagnosis and cost estimate, the mechanic drove off. My wife and I went in, ordered a couple sandwiches (and a raspberry muffin for me) and took a seat. Then, we promptly burst into laughter. There really wasn't anything else that we could do.
At the time, laughter or no, I was not a happy camper about our break-down. The timing of the car trouble was so unbelievable that I would have deemed it implausible if I'd seen it in a movie. With the benefit of a few days of hindsight, however, I can appreciate the absurd humor of it all. More importantly, I appreciate the luck we had in running into some truly nice people who were willing to help out a couple of strangers. True, we would have been even luckier had we been able to make the drive successfully, but it's still nice to know that there are good people in the world willing to lend a hand when trouble strikes.
Long story short, Julia's brother came and got us, and we ended up at the hospital around 11:00. Too exhausted to stay for long, we made sure that my mother-in-law was as comfortable as possible and that everything was under control. There was still no diagnosis, and no stroke was visible on the MRI images. Her condition still a mystery, we promised to be back early in the morning.
As it turned out, after 2 days of back and forth thinking from the doctors, it was determined, with no uncertainty, to be a stroke. If there is any good news about a stroke, it's that this was a minor one. The symptoms she was experiencing did not stem directly from damage to the brain, but from brain swelling at the injury site pushing on a nerve group that controls balance, nausea, speech, etc. As the swelling fades, so will the symptoms (although rehab and time are required). The term "wake-up call" was employed numerous times over the last few days. My mother-in-law has had a wake-up-call about the numerous stresses in her life, and about the fact that she needs to manage her diabetes much better. My wife has had a wake-up-call regarding the fact that her grandfather and her mother both have diabetes, and it has caused health problems for both of them. Diabetes being largely genetic, she feels a bullseye drawn around her. She must be vigilant and work to prevent the onset of the condition.
The biggest wake-up-call, though, was for the entire family. For too long my mother-in-law has been the rock upon which everyone else in the family leans. For far too long, weights have rested on her shoulders that should not have to be borne by any one person. For too long this family has depended on her, but not realized how quickly and easily she could be taken away. Everyone is awake now, and it turns out that the reality of the situation is that she is not invincible, as we all half suspected she might be. No one is more surprised about this than my mother-in-law herself. In light of this fact, numerous things will need to change. Many hands will be required to help carry the load. There's an old expression that says that "we reap what we sow." Here is a woman who has sown love, charity, and comfort for many years, while being no stranger to adversity. It is time for her to reap the fruits of her labor and it is up to us, her family, to provide them. May her feast be long.
Let me back up to last Tuesday night. Up until about 7:30 or so we were eagerly anticipating our long weekend. We'd planned to start it off lightly on Wednesday night after work with dinner and a movie. Thursday morning we planned to get a bright and early start up into Portsmouth, New Hampshire. It's a great town with lots of good shops, restaurants, ocean tours, etc. For the evening we'd booked a night in York Beach, Maine (about 15 minutes north of Portsmouth) at a nice hotel that sits about 100 yards from the ocean. Some local sight-seeing, then dinner and some beers at the bar while watching the Red Sox game, maybe a stroll out by the ocean before bed....what could be more relaxing? Friday night, of course, we had tickets to go see the Red Sox play the White Sox at Fenway. Saturday was dedicated to going into Boston for the day. All in all, nothing too fancy. Just some fun stuff to do fairly close to home, perfect for a "mini-vacation".
At 7:31 on Tuesday night I asked my wife, Julia, if she knew where our seats were for the game. She didn't know but suggested that I call her brother, whose friend had the tickets. So, I called his cell phone, expecting to be greeted by some obscenity or another (that's normal for us) but instead Julia's mom answered. "Peculiar," I thought to myself. Still, for a moment things seemed OK. But I could hear in her voice that something was off, so I asked, "Is something wrong?"
"Well, sort of..." was the reply. Not really what I wanted to hear. "I'm on my way to the ER just to get checked out. It's probably nothing, I just feel a little funny. My blood sugar is a little high, so this is just to be safe."
We talked for a minute more or so, and then I passed the phone to Julia, who got the same story. She hung up in a few minutes, after insisting that we get a call back to let us know the outcome. At this point now we were both worried, but not overly so. It seemed likely that Julia's mom, who is diabetic, just had a blood sugar spike and needed some meds to get it back under control. Still, humans, being the imaginative creatures that we are, don't do well with time to let things like this fester in their brains. Soon our unease grew, and we began to wonder if a change of our plans was going to be necessary.
It was midnight when the phone rang, with Julia's brother on the other end. Their mom was being admitted. As it turned out, it wasn't just that her blood sugar was "a little high". She didn't just feel "a little funny". She couldn't walk, or feel her left leg. Her blood sugar was up over 500 mg/dL. Normal blood sugar is between 90 and 130 mg/dL. 350 mg/dL is crisis level. 600 mg/dL is diabetic coma. Vacation plans were suddenly looking unlikely, and now it was time to start thinking about heading home.
As she was stable, and we didn't know exactly what we were dealing with yet, we decided to leave right after work the next day if she had not drastically improved before then. It's a 2 1/2 hour drive, so that would put us at the hospital by around 8:00. We went to our jobs on Wednesday, waiting to hear something that would decide our course. The phone call came late in the morning, and the initial thoughts of the doctors were distressing. One word was enough to cause my heart to sink: stroke. It wasn't definite at that point, but it was what the hospital was leaning towards. OK, gotta get out of work early, pack the car and go. Good thing we had this time off from work anyway, we said to each other. I won't lie, though. In my mind I saw our Sox tickets flying away, our time by the ocean disappear. I saw our little slice of vacation, so badly needed, splinter into dust. No one ever said life is fair or convenient. In our case, we know that all too well from experience.
Both of us left work an hour early and got home around 5:00. We quickly packed our suitcase as we both muttered to each other in disbelief about the timing, and about how on earth her blood sugar got so high, and about how to handle issues, household and otherwise, that would be part and parcel of this problem. Everything packed and in the car? Yes? Good, let's go.
Here's where I get to the part where even I, hard skeptic that I am, had to wonder if perhaps we were cursed. About 45 minutes in to the trip, the battery/brake lights on my wife's dashboard come on. Huh. Well, Jiffy Lube did something with the battery when they changed the oil that morning, I thought, so maybe they knocked a terminal loose or something. That made sense to me until the instruments went dead. Speedometer, tachometer, fuel gauge....dead, dead, dead. Clock? Dead too. Car starting to surge/lurch? Check. Ah shit.
We pulled off the highway into a town that consists of 99% trees and nothing. The car was still running, but I had no idea for how long. I'm no mechanic, but I knew enough to realize that something was wrong with the electrical system. We were in the middle of nowhere, and my car expertise consists of knowing how to change a tire. With the car limping along for a mile or so, we realized that we were leaving cell phone range. The last thing we needed was to be broken down and out of communication, so I nursed the car into a sluggish 3-point turn and headed back towards the highway. I made it to a package store (closed, of course. It was 6:30, and this town looked like the streets folded up at 5:15), where some painters were finishing up for the day and packing up their stuff at the building next door. Fortunately for us, these guys were genuinely sympathetic to our situation. They made a couple phone calls for us, racked their brains a bit, and came up with a mechanic in town that they knew. He lived right next door to his business, and most likely would be home to tow us in to his shop. Not having his number handy, one of them suggested that we follow him the couple miles to the shop. That would have worked out great, if the car had not stopped running completely at that moment. Undaunted, our new friend cleared out a space in his car and gave us a ride.
The mechanic was equally accommodating. He probably wasn't thrilled to have a couple of disgruntled, stressed-out 30 year olds dropped on his doorstep at dinner time, but he graciously hopped in his truck and came out to give us a tow right away. He even dropped us off at the Dunkin' Donuts so that we could get a bite to eat while waiting for Julia's brother to make the hour and 45 minute drive out to pick us up.
After promising to call us the following day with a diagnosis and cost estimate, the mechanic drove off. My wife and I went in, ordered a couple sandwiches (and a raspberry muffin for me) and took a seat. Then, we promptly burst into laughter. There really wasn't anything else that we could do.
At the time, laughter or no, I was not a happy camper about our break-down. The timing of the car trouble was so unbelievable that I would have deemed it implausible if I'd seen it in a movie. With the benefit of a few days of hindsight, however, I can appreciate the absurd humor of it all. More importantly, I appreciate the luck we had in running into some truly nice people who were willing to help out a couple of strangers. True, we would have been even luckier had we been able to make the drive successfully, but it's still nice to know that there are good people in the world willing to lend a hand when trouble strikes.
Long story short, Julia's brother came and got us, and we ended up at the hospital around 11:00. Too exhausted to stay for long, we made sure that my mother-in-law was as comfortable as possible and that everything was under control. There was still no diagnosis, and no stroke was visible on the MRI images. Her condition still a mystery, we promised to be back early in the morning.
As it turned out, after 2 days of back and forth thinking from the doctors, it was determined, with no uncertainty, to be a stroke. If there is any good news about a stroke, it's that this was a minor one. The symptoms she was experiencing did not stem directly from damage to the brain, but from brain swelling at the injury site pushing on a nerve group that controls balance, nausea, speech, etc. As the swelling fades, so will the symptoms (although rehab and time are required). The term "wake-up call" was employed numerous times over the last few days. My mother-in-law has had a wake-up-call about the numerous stresses in her life, and about the fact that she needs to manage her diabetes much better. My wife has had a wake-up-call regarding the fact that her grandfather and her mother both have diabetes, and it has caused health problems for both of them. Diabetes being largely genetic, she feels a bullseye drawn around her. She must be vigilant and work to prevent the onset of the condition.
The biggest wake-up-call, though, was for the entire family. For too long my mother-in-law has been the rock upon which everyone else in the family leans. For far too long, weights have rested on her shoulders that should not have to be borne by any one person. For too long this family has depended on her, but not realized how quickly and easily she could be taken away. Everyone is awake now, and it turns out that the reality of the situation is that she is not invincible, as we all half suspected she might be. No one is more surprised about this than my mother-in-law herself. In light of this fact, numerous things will need to change. Many hands will be required to help carry the load. There's an old expression that says that "we reap what we sow." Here is a woman who has sown love, charity, and comfort for many years, while being no stranger to adversity. It is time for her to reap the fruits of her labor and it is up to us, her family, to provide them. May her feast be long.
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Comment by Onesnap
Thanks for the update Winston.
Glad you did not breakdown too far from actual people (as the trees would have offered no help).
Keep us posted...and thank goodness Julia has you to be by her side.
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
You had a tale to tell and you told it well.
You painted a picture and took us on your emotional journey and introduced us to some fine people. Isn't it nice to know they are out there?
katyzzz
Comment by Lara M
Love Speaks
Food Slate
May you, Julia and the rest of the family "feast" along with her savoring every bite and moment.
Comment by youranter
youranter
Opinions
opinionatedranter
Tales From The Green Lantern
Comment by Sho Kosugi
Shoukai
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Comment by Wendi
I'm a day late and a dollar short, but here and catching up.
I'm so touched by your story. It's a shame that it takes tragedy or trauma to wake us up to life's treasures, but it's a true blessing when a second chance is afforded and those receiving it understand its value and responsibility. And it's a two-fold blessing if the situation also alerts your wife to potential risks of her own.
I admire the light in which you see your mother-in-law, and the sacrifices you've made to tend to her... those that you've mentioned, and those I know you won't. *grins*
Loved the bit about the car... and moreso, the reaction you and your wife had to it. I've been in those kinds of situations where there's nothing else one can do but laugh... yet, sadly, so many people fail to appreciate the "twilight zone" irony of those situations. Getting upset, yelling profanities, taking it out on one another only makes things ten times worse. Laughing at it is the best way, I think, to survive an ordeal mostly unscathed.
Glad everything turned out okay (for the most part), and hope a second chance for a much needed vacation presents itself.
W
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Yeah, being a part of my wife's family is a real experience. These sorts of things just don't happen on my side. On her side, nothing surprises me anymore.
The car was intensely frustrating and unlikely. So much so, in fact, that how could a part of me not find it funny? Sometimes something is just so absurd that you have to laugh (even if you feel like smashing something at the same time). We knew we'd done our best to get out there, and life just beat us. Not much to do about that except try a different way. Of course, having Julia for a wife helps. She and I have known each other for so long, and we click so well on every level....maybe with someone else I would have screamed and cursed, but we both serve to anchor each other. I'm a lucky guy (despite living under her family's cloud of cursed-ness!)
Her mother is doing well, and is home now. She will be rehabbing for some time, can't walk without a walker yet, and can't drive. It may be awhile yet before she CAN do those things. But she's home and able to do little stuff like help get dinner ready and such. As expected, she's trying to do more than she should. She's slow to come to terms with the fact of her own lack of invincibility. No surprise there.
We've already had yet another (more minor) medical crisis in the family since this one. The fun, it just keeps on rollin' in. A vacation would be so greatly appreciated, but it looks like it will be next summer before we can plan one of any significance. Keep your fingers crossed for me, we're a bit nervous about it. If you knew our track record with vacations, you'd understand why
Thanks for the support, Wendi!