RubySoho
Winston
Killing the Fear of Death
July 17th 2007 14:24
There are many traits that make us unique as a species: bipedal locomotion, advanced linguistics, and appreciation of abstracts such as beauty, art and music are just some of the features that are included in our definition of what it means to be human. But there is another facet to being human as well, another thing that we do not share with the animals. As far as we know, humans are the only creatures on the planet with a clear grasp of their own finite mortality. Death, perhaps more than any other reality that we face, is regarded with a mixture of dread, horror, and fascination. It is this knowledge that has led to our elaborate theological constructions, institutions that have evolved through the millennia to enable us to cope with the idea of death by supplanting it with belief in eternal life.
What else are afterlife mythologies, if not wish-fulfillment fantasies of escaping annihilation and infinitely perpetuating the self? At the core of every religion, at the center of every deistic belief, lies the matter of death. Our gods watch over us, judging our souls at the time of death as either worthy of heaven (some version of it) or wicked enough for hell. Hell, that place of ultimate loneliness and torment, is always portrayed as something to be avoided at all costs. But, is it possible that we find the idea of complete non-existence even more frightening than painful existence? I think that perhaps we do. Painful existence is at least understandable. We can grasp it, even if it is abhorrent to us. Non-existence, on the other hand, is nearly impossible to imagine. Not existing is an incomprehensible notion to a creature that exists. It is the antithesis of all that we experience, because it is no experience at all.
Buddhists tackle this problem head on, in a different manner from traditional theistic religions. I am not a Buddhist, but from what I understand of it, it aims to eliminate desire. Our greatest desire is, of course, to avoid the extinguishment of consciousness. Our greatest fear is of death. Part of the goal of Buddhism is “ego-death” or destruction of the “self”. It is our “self”, our “ego”, that clings so tenaciously to life. It is the “I” that fights so vehemently against death. Buddhism strives to bring its adherents to the knowledge that the “self” is an illusion or a construct, and that, in fact, the “self” does not exist in any meaningful way. What follows is the understanding that birth, death, and rebirth are all part of the same process. If a Buddhist practitioner can come to an understanding of no-self, they are that much closer to lacking a fear of death.
As I said, I am not a Buddhist. While I think Buddhism has some beneficial teachings, they do not work for me. I am also not a theist. I do not believe in afterlives, souls, reincarnation, or Nirvana. Therefore, I derive no comfort from thoughts of heaven and reunions with loved ones following my physical death. To my mind, death is the ultimate and final reality, an eternal state that is no state. No joy, no pain. And, I still fear it.
I fear the sense of loss I imagine, even though I will feel no loss. I experience the sadness of those left behind, even though I will see no tears. I shudder at the thought of the drone of time passing by without me, though I will not mark one moment of it. Each thing that I fear is baseless. Before I was born, was there pain? Of course not. Prior to conception, I was neither happy nor sorrowful. Why then, should non-existence in death be any better or worse than non-existence before birth? I know all these things, I have held all of these arguments within my head, and still, from time to time, the dread of the ultimate unknown shakes me.
In a finite life, when death looms overhead both as a certainty and a mystery, it seems silly to me to waste time worrying about mortality. It makes as much sense as worrying about whether or not the Sun will rise each day; it is an inevitability beyond my control. My problem with death is that I try to understand it. What I need to realize is that there’s nothing to understand. I have no hope of grasping the truth of death while I’m alive, and by the time I’m dead I’ll no longer have need of that truth. Easier said then done, of course. Purging oneself of fear of death is akin to expelling ALL of one’s fears, as all fear ultimately boils down to fear of death. I do not have such hubris as to think that I can eliminate it from my life. Still, I will continue trying to come to terms with the fact of death. I will move forward in my attempts to view it not as something to be feared, but as a natural part of existence. As long as there is fear of death, it takes away from our appreciation of life. Something so precious should be enjoyed freely and without apprehension, not coveted anxiously with one eye on the clock. When the end comes, any time spent worrying about it will have been for naught. Better to use our time wisely, pursuing love and happiness, and crafting fond memories in the heads of those whom we leave behind. In memory, at least, we can achieve some of the immortality we so greatly desire.
These hearts were woven of human joys and cares,
Washed marvellously with sorrow, swift to mirth.
The years had given them kindness. Dawn was theirs,
And sunset, and the colours of the earth.
These had seen movement, and heard music; known
Slumber and waking; loved; gone proudly friended;
Felt the quick stir of wonder; sat alone;
Touched flowers and furs and cheeks. All this is ended.
- Excerpt from The Dead, by Rupert Brooke
What else are afterlife mythologies, if not wish-fulfillment fantasies of escaping annihilation and infinitely perpetuating the self? At the core of every religion, at the center of every deistic belief, lies the matter of death. Our gods watch over us, judging our souls at the time of death as either worthy of heaven (some version of it) or wicked enough for hell. Hell, that place of ultimate loneliness and torment, is always portrayed as something to be avoided at all costs. But, is it possible that we find the idea of complete non-existence even more frightening than painful existence? I think that perhaps we do. Painful existence is at least understandable. We can grasp it, even if it is abhorrent to us. Non-existence, on the other hand, is nearly impossible to imagine. Not existing is an incomprehensible notion to a creature that exists. It is the antithesis of all that we experience, because it is no experience at all.
Buddhists tackle this problem head on, in a different manner from traditional theistic religions. I am not a Buddhist, but from what I understand of it, it aims to eliminate desire. Our greatest desire is, of course, to avoid the extinguishment of consciousness. Our greatest fear is of death. Part of the goal of Buddhism is “ego-death” or destruction of the “self”. It is our “self”, our “ego”, that clings so tenaciously to life. It is the “I” that fights so vehemently against death. Buddhism strives to bring its adherents to the knowledge that the “self” is an illusion or a construct, and that, in fact, the “self” does not exist in any meaningful way. What follows is the understanding that birth, death, and rebirth are all part of the same process. If a Buddhist practitioner can come to an understanding of no-self, they are that much closer to lacking a fear of death.
As I said, I am not a Buddhist. While I think Buddhism has some beneficial teachings, they do not work for me. I am also not a theist. I do not believe in afterlives, souls, reincarnation, or Nirvana. Therefore, I derive no comfort from thoughts of heaven and reunions with loved ones following my physical death. To my mind, death is the ultimate and final reality, an eternal state that is no state. No joy, no pain. And, I still fear it.
I fear the sense of loss I imagine, even though I will feel no loss. I experience the sadness of those left behind, even though I will see no tears. I shudder at the thought of the drone of time passing by without me, though I will not mark one moment of it. Each thing that I fear is baseless. Before I was born, was there pain? Of course not. Prior to conception, I was neither happy nor sorrowful. Why then, should non-existence in death be any better or worse than non-existence before birth? I know all these things, I have held all of these arguments within my head, and still, from time to time, the dread of the ultimate unknown shakes me.
In a finite life, when death looms overhead both as a certainty and a mystery, it seems silly to me to waste time worrying about mortality. It makes as much sense as worrying about whether or not the Sun will rise each day; it is an inevitability beyond my control. My problem with death is that I try to understand it. What I need to realize is that there’s nothing to understand. I have no hope of grasping the truth of death while I’m alive, and by the time I’m dead I’ll no longer have need of that truth. Easier said then done, of course. Purging oneself of fear of death is akin to expelling ALL of one’s fears, as all fear ultimately boils down to fear of death. I do not have such hubris as to think that I can eliminate it from my life. Still, I will continue trying to come to terms with the fact of death. I will move forward in my attempts to view it not as something to be feared, but as a natural part of existence. As long as there is fear of death, it takes away from our appreciation of life. Something so precious should be enjoyed freely and without apprehension, not coveted anxiously with one eye on the clock. When the end comes, any time spent worrying about it will have been for naught. Better to use our time wisely, pursuing love and happiness, and crafting fond memories in the heads of those whom we leave behind. In memory, at least, we can achieve some of the immortality we so greatly desire.
These hearts were woven of human joys and cares,
Washed marvellously with sorrow, swift to mirth.
The years had given them kindness. Dawn was theirs,
And sunset, and the colours of the earth.
These had seen movement, and heard music; known
Slumber and waking; loved; gone proudly friended;
Felt the quick stir of wonder; sat alone;
Touched flowers and furs and cheeks. All this is ended.
- Excerpt from The Dead, by Rupert Brooke
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Comment by Onesnap
Great quote to end with.
It's always been interesting to me that most humans fear public speaking more than death itself. Weird, huh?
I myself don't fear death, but I fear the process of getting there (perhaps morbid thoughts for my 30-year old self)...I've had friends and family cheat death (beat cancer twice, etc.) and they are no longer afraid after being on death's door.
In some Fantasy novels cats are the only ones who can see death. The way my cat chases creatures around the house that only he can see makes me wonder...
Comment by Always Eighteen
Always Eighteen: Japan Edition
Someone in a movie once said that the brain goes on living for five years after death. Imagine if you were conscious for five years in a coffin. Yeesh. Hope it's not real.
I personally believe in an afterlife. Due to some of the things I've done, I'm not particularly looking forward to death at this moment of time.
What scares me more than death, though, is injury, especially permanent injury.
Another great post!
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
Health Focus
Poetry Lighthouse
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I had two "visitations" from my mother after her death.
One was just an image of her suspended over her hospital bed, in which she died. The other was in white plasma beside my bed from which came just a few comforting words, I was wide awake not asleep. I rarely talk of this, feel honoured . I have no interest in whether people believe or disbelieve me but am absolutely conviced I shall see my mother again, on my death.
I too have nearly died and although I was afraid then of what I was experiencing I have no fear of death [ similarly to those others you talked of].
I hope I shall see everyone else, too, but I have not received any visitations from them.
I do however find it hard to conceive of an after life with us all just drifting around together, some would claim reincarnation, but that has little appeal to my intellect.
As I said before the concept of any form of after life is too difficult for us to grasp.
katyzzz....I do not expect any attempt to be made to analyse what I have said, I have just simply said it.
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Thanks for the observation
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Permanent injury is very frightening. I have close contact with someone who has had a life-changing injury, and I often wonder if living impaired is preferable to death outright. Tough question to answer.
If you don't mind my asking, why do you believe in the afterlife? What sort of afterlife is it that you believe in (obviously it involves some notion of punishment or suffering, or else you wouldn't be worried)? Is it a belief you've been raised with, or does it arise from some sort of personal experience? I'm not planning on picking on your answer, just genuinely curious.
Thanks for the feedback!
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Eventually we'll both learn the truth of the matter (or not, if you take my view of things).
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Now, I might be crazy, in fact, by some peoples definition, thats been proven, but there are things I know. Not things I imagine I know or dream or anything like that - Things I KNOW. Know like the air I breathe. They are part of me. Ive always been strange. As a kid I talked extensively about things that happened before I was born, mum or dad would get drawn right into the conversation before they realized what was happening, gave me an eerie look and said "How do you know this?" answer? I just do. Ive been asked that question so many times.
I know about spirits and past lives. I remember plenty of them and then researched and found that historical person living where I remembered I used to live. I have a very strong knowledge that whatever people expect on the other side is not what theyre going to get. Sense of self is what is required to survive the abyss - and plenty dont. Plenty of souls are just drunk up by the earth and the great energy that feeds her. It is extremely strong individuals who refuse to let go of their 'self' who manage to reincarnate or create a kind of 'heaven' or 'hell' there is no god but yourself - remember that. No judgement can touch you but your own.
There is something to the buddhist and hindu way - surrendering to the supreme brahman - but its not for me. One thing that is certain is that magic, science and mathematics are all branches of the same vien and one day we will know that. We will have a greater knowledge of things as more people 'remember'.
But your individuality is the key. Dont give it up. I love your thoughts on heaven hell, and existance - its all so true!
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Thanks for sharing your comment, it's a perspective I've not really encountered before.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
Fear of death is not nessesarily a bad thing. It can be a part of how you hang on to your personal individuality, but surrender is always required at some point. I love your topics Winston! You get me started! That IS a bad thing!