RubySoho
Winston
McCain Campaign Hires Neighbours Script Writers.
October 2nd 2008 06:25
In a clever bid to out celebrity the celebrity of presidential rival Barack HUSSEIN Obama, the campaign team behind John “my wife is a cunt and a trollop” McCain has announced it has hired the script writing and development team behind Australia’s longest running and to date most successful soap opera to plan the remainder of the McCain-Palin presidential bid.
John McCain is all too aware that it’s populism and not policy that counts, and it is Bristol Palin’s illegitimate pregnancy that alerted his team to the need of a finely honed script writing team to handle the tail end of the McCain campaign. How to turn a possible scandal into the biggest vote winner in history? The media is already reporting that Team McCain is planning the wedding of Bristol and her self-proclaimed 'redneck' boyfriend Levi, in a manner that will maximise sympathy and votes. But if you think that the whole thing sounds like a story storyline from a corny soap opera, well that's because what most people don’t know is that it was the brainchild of the Aussie writers of soap Neighbours who came up with the idea and sent it to the campaign staff in an audacious attempt to secure the most coveted script-writing job in the world. The move has met with its fair share of critics asking if this is really a professional way for a presidential nominee to handle their bid for the most important job in the world?
“Look”, said a McCain spokesperson irritably. "We don’t want irrelevant issues like the collapse of our economy and the threats to the rights of women that Palin represents, to cloud the real important story at hand: will Bristol and Levi tie the knot before the November 4 election? That is what the whole of America, nay the whole of the world, wants, nay, needs to know. That’s what’s got us all hanging on the edge of the cliff. That’s what will get them filling the election booths”.
John McCain approved the hiring of the Neighbours staff after learning how the wedding of Scott and Charlene stopped the entire country in 1988. Ratings went through the roof and every self-respecting teenage girl sported a 'Charlene perm'. ‘That’s what America needs right now”. McCain enthused, taking time out from telling off the media. "A great big, fairytale wedding to take their minds of their own problems. Not that America actually has any problems."he hastened to add. “After all, the fundamentals of the economy are strong.”
Sarah "I hate women so much I think teenage victims of rape should be forced give birth to their rapist’s baby" Palin is said to be delighted that a writing team skilled at churning out garbage is taking over the campaign. “Finally, I can have a rest. I’m afraid I am running out of bullshit. You know I look at my opponents with all their policies and their statistics and their issues and I am amazed. But then I look at the audience and I think does any of that even matter?”
Obviously not. Everyone knows its weddings and deaths that matter most. And the wedding is being taken care of as we speak. As for the death, "Well…” said McCain coyly, "Obviously we don’t want Sarah’s son Track to die but you know, if he were to be shot at, if not fatally, at least critically whilst serving his country in Iraq…well, you know, that’s not going to hurt the campaign either is it?”
“I guess the only question is when? Should he fall into a coma before the wedding so that Bristol and Levi heal the nation’s hurt with their sacred love? Or after the wedding, to maximise voter sympathy?” McCain dwindled off and appeared to get lost in his thoughts. “I really don’t know the best way to handle this aspect of this campaign. And that’s why we decided to bring on board the best in the business. No one knows better than the Neighbours staff writers what a well-timed tragedy can do for sagging popularity. Who can forget the tragic death of cancer-stricken Elaine and how whole of Australia wept for the pain of her beloved husband Des? That’s what America needs. I can’t wait for them to get started”.
-Ruby
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
with all the crazy things from this election all the strangest stories seem to be true!
but i will however laugh out how largely you wrote HUSSEIN
haha
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
And everything bold and underlined is a link. It's like the SNL Sarah Palin skit- just use real words spoken by the candidates and half your work is done for you. The neighbours and track palin stuff is me. Everything else is courtesy of Palin and McCain including her quote "does any of that stuff matter?".
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Jeff Musall
Secular Humanity
Comment by Natalie 2
My Life My Muse
Beta Girl Blog
Sadly, there are probably a billion elements of truth to it. Yikes!
Seriously though, there really would be nothing like a good ol American shotgun wedding to rally the troops behind the banner of family values!!
I especially loved the link you provided to the book about John McCain calling his wife a cunt. Old people are so cute!