RubySoho
Winston
Michael Vick Finds Jesus (and Makes Him Pay Back the $300 He Lost Betting on a Pitbull Fight)
August 28th 2007 15:31
I know, I know, I'm hardly the first person to make this observation. Whatever, I still feel like venting about it.
Attention Michael Vick (along with Paris Hilton, and the rest of the ever-growing host of criminal celebs, pro athletes, politicians and regular Joe Scumbags of the world). When you do something wrong and get caught, just saying the words, "I've found Jesus" does nothing to change the fact that you're a lowlife sack of sh#t who has actively worked to make the world a slightly worse place. It amazes me every time I hear/read it, it really does.
"Mr. Smith, you stand accused of embezzling millions of tax-payer dollars, clubbing baby seals to death for fun, and punching Betty White in the face on a dare. How do you plead?"
"Well, your honor, I'm truly sorry for all of my crimes. I've led a terrible life, but that's all over now. I've found Jesus."
"Oh, well, in THAT case......"
Come ON!! Isn't it amazing that these people always manage to find Jesus right before their court date? Of course, perhaps I'm just being cynical. Maybe these folks are really having life-changing religious conversions in response to adversity and the realization that they've gone astray. Or maybe they just think we're all dumb and they can get some easy sympathy.
Let's take the current example of Michael Vick. Quoth the quarterback, "I take full responsibility for my actions," Vick said. "Not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame anybody else for my actions or what I've done. Through this situation I've found Jesus," he added. He vowed to redeem himself, saying, "I have to."
Well, let's see. You take full responsibility because your "friends" rolled over on you. Up until that point you were full of innocence and indignation. You ran an illegal dog fighting/gambling operation and you helped to kill dogs that did not perform well (I'm not talking about lethal injection killing here, either). Finally, when cornered, we suddenly learn that you admit your guilt, you're sorry and that you've "found Jesus." It's a miracle! Michael got hisself saved. But you're right, you "have to" find him.......if you want to have a chance at a career again at some point. Finding Jesus is good PR, right? Too bad you didn't know where he was before you started hanging all those dogs. Even worse, too bad you didn't know that what you were doing was wrong without JC to tell you so.
I can only hope that no one is falling for the playacting that Michal Vick and his ilk keep attempting. Judging by a lot of the commentary I've seen thus far, it seems likely that people aren't buying it. But, on the off chance that Michael is sincere, I offer him some advice: Michael, perhaps you should invest in a beeper for Jesus or something, so that you can keep track of him from now on. We wouldn't want you to lose him again. It seems that you're a real asshole without him around.
Attention Michael Vick (along with Paris Hilton, and the rest of the ever-growing host of criminal celebs, pro athletes, politicians and regular Joe Scumbags of the world). When you do something wrong and get caught, just saying the words, "I've found Jesus" does nothing to change the fact that you're a lowlife sack of sh#t who has actively worked to make the world a slightly worse place. It amazes me every time I hear/read it, it really does.
"Mr. Smith, you stand accused of embezzling millions of tax-payer dollars, clubbing baby seals to death for fun, and punching Betty White in the face on a dare. How do you plead?"
"Well, your honor, I'm truly sorry for all of my crimes. I've led a terrible life, but that's all over now. I've found Jesus."
"Oh, well, in THAT case......"
Come ON!! Isn't it amazing that these people always manage to find Jesus right before their court date? Of course, perhaps I'm just being cynical. Maybe these folks are really having life-changing religious conversions in response to adversity and the realization that they've gone astray. Or maybe they just think we're all dumb and they can get some easy sympathy.
Let's take the current example of Michael Vick. Quoth the quarterback, "I take full responsibility for my actions," Vick said. "Not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame anybody else for my actions or what I've done. Through this situation I've found Jesus," he added. He vowed to redeem himself, saying, "I have to."
Well, let's see. You take full responsibility because your "friends" rolled over on you. Up until that point you were full of innocence and indignation. You ran an illegal dog fighting/gambling operation and you helped to kill dogs that did not perform well (I'm not talking about lethal injection killing here, either). Finally, when cornered, we suddenly learn that you admit your guilt, you're sorry and that you've "found Jesus." It's a miracle! Michael got hisself saved. But you're right, you "have to" find him.......if you want to have a chance at a career again at some point. Finding Jesus is good PR, right? Too bad you didn't know where he was before you started hanging all those dogs. Even worse, too bad you didn't know that what you were doing was wrong without JC to tell you so.
I can only hope that no one is falling for the playacting that Michal Vick and his ilk keep attempting. Judging by a lot of the commentary I've seen thus far, it seems likely that people aren't buying it. But, on the off chance that Michael is sincere, I offer him some advice: Michael, perhaps you should invest in a beeper for Jesus or something, so that you can keep track of him from now on. We wouldn't want you to lose him again. It seems that you're a real asshole without him around.
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Comment by Onesnap
The reason: they have lots of time on their hands if if they play the Jesus card they are more likely to get out early on good behavior. Because what prison official can deny early out to someone that claims "I'm a new man, and I found Jesus while I was in here" or "Not only have I done my time, but I've made peace with God." They know what to say (or do) and they know how to work the system.
So if they are a celeb that gets 24 hours in jail due to DUI or if they actually kill someone they know how to play the system to their favor.
If I got sent to a prison that was pretty high security (not the dorm style living where Martha Stewart went) I would say or do whatever it took to get out early. If I had to fake finding God (not sure if I could fake the Jesus thing given that I have a particular look that does not make the finding Jesus thing work for me--not to sound racist but I know I look like a young Jewish woman no matter if I have a nice English name tacked on to my Hebrew first name). So...I guess I would pull the God card to get out of jail early or get special consideration while there.
Not that I'm thinking of breaking the law anytime soon.
Comment by youranter
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Comment by katyzzz
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One can't help wondering why these people ever engage in the sort of activity they do. Where is the pleasure in it? It's beyond me and yes, turning to God, as they claim, is no defence.
Just think how quickly they come up to speed on that one.
Insanity seems to be doing the rounds.
katyzzz
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Thanks for the comment
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
As for "pitting" Mr. Vick against some of his dogs....now that would be a show. I'll bring the chips and dip.
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Comment by Jeff Musall