RubySoho
Winston
Today’s Bedtime Story: The Girl Who Shocked Herself By Giving Birth To A Human Baby
July 4th 2008 06:31
you mean it's not a pony?
Once upon a time in a small town in South Dakota, USA, a 14-year- old teenager who had never heard of condoms and thought the pill was what you took at My Chemical Romance concerts, somehow found herself extremely pregnant, even though she was taught abstinence-only sex education at school and everyone knows abstinence is by far the best method of sex education (even Obama, yes Barack Obama, that pinko, commie leftie Muslim what-have-you, thinks teenagers should first and foremost be told to just keep it in their pants until their married or whatever. Now THAT’S change we can believe in).
Upon hearing of her up-the-duff status the girl wondered if she would give birth to a puppy or a kitten or perhaps a pony? She’d always wanted one of those. Then she decided a Bratz doll would be best, as it would solve the problem of what to ask for on her next birthday.
Then the girl started having doubts. She didn’t know if she really wanted to have a Bratz doll. After all, there were so many other Bratz dolls, lying around, many neglected by their owners, many unloved, many just waiting for someone to come along and love them. “Does the world really need yet another Bratz doll?” She wondered?
So she thought that she should perhaps terminate the pregnancy but after travelling 500 miles to the nearest abortion clinic only to find that it didn’t open on Fridays because that’s when the abortion staff have their weekly satanic meetings and sacrifice their own children to the anti-Christ (yes, Obama again), she was accosted by the well-meaning good folk of the town who lovingly told her that should she proceed with the termination, she would incur the everlasting wrath of the loving, merciful God who would cast from the bosom of his love and into the depths of hell to burn for eternity with Lucifer (Michelle Obama). She would also be a dirty, filthy murderer who deserved the death penalty.
“Butbutbut”, she whimpered. “It’s only a Bratz doll, I’m having a Bratz doll”. Upon which, the good folk of South Dakota laughed patronisingly at the stupid female that cowered before them. They shook their heads as if it a small child (oh, wait, at only 14- she WAS), clucked their tongues, sat her down and said firmly but gently. And when, I say gently I mean like an Israeli tank bearing down on a Palestinian farmer. “Honey, human females give birth to human babies”. Upon which, the girl went white and said, “But I didn’t know! I didn’t know that if I got pregnant I was actually going to give birth to a real live human baby! How could I have known? I am just a dumb, stupid female who needs other people to make my decisions for me. Especially important ones about my own body and my whole entire future”.
And that’s when the good folk of South Dakota informed her of their new law that required all women seeking abortions in that state be informed "that the abortion will terminate the life of a whole, separate, unique, living human being." Upon which the teenage girl threw herself at their feet and begged forgiveness. “Thank you!“ She cried. "Thank you for saving me from myself. Thank for being so much smarter than I! Thank you for knowing that women are so stupid that we don’t even know that when we get pregnant it means that we are going to end up with a baby and that we don’t even know that an abortion will terminate the life of the fetus before it develops into a baby.
“Thank you for not understanding that the whole reason that women want to have abortions is because THEY DON’T WANT TO HAVE A BABY!!!!! I now know that I serve other purpose in this world but to procreate, that I am nothing but a giant walking uterus. Thank you for telling me what’s what. Thank you!”
So the girl kept the baby, was kicked out of home for being a filthy slut and was subsequently refused welfare, healthcare and childcare by the good folk of South Dakota. She also never went to college; hell she never graduated from high school. And one day, as she was cleaning the oven her own 13-year-old daughter came home and informed her that she was having an etch-a-sketch.
And this all made God very, very happy.
The End.
-Ruby (in a very fed up mood)
With inspiration from Shakesville and Kitten Politics
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Comment by Journeywoman
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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Movie Train
i laughed out loud! i really did!
i dont understand why people think women are somehow "tricked" or coerced into abortions, or that they are evil and enjoy abortions and make sure that purposely get pregnant so they can have the fun of an abortion every single month?
so women are either weak or wicked?
poor Michelle Obama, now shes got the task of leading a bunch of filthy slut whores into hell like the pied piper hahaha (i think it was that racist essay she wrote)
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Comment by RubySoho
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Honestly, if I didn't write stuff like this, the frustration and anger and fear would just overcome me.
I don't think people realise what's at stake here. If women lose the right to control of their bodies, we are opening ourselves up to all sorts of discrimination.
And if American women lose this battle and Roe gets overturned it will give the anti-choice movement here in Australia the ammunition it needs to turn its current pesky little attacks on our rights into a full scale assault.
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What's he talking about "the sacredness of sexual relations?" And what about his does life start "when the soul stirs?" WTF? I mean really. Is there some sort of test we can take to measure when our "souls" first stirred?
I am also disappointed in his pronouncement that in the case of late term abortions, "mental distress" does not qualify as a reason that falls under to "protect the health of the mother".
Yeah, not all that impressed with the anti-Christ at the moment but I read this good blog post on Incertus and the writer put forward a really good case as to why progressives are bound to be disappointed with politicians due to the very fact that they are progressives. Have a read:
http://incertus.blogspot.com/
scroll down the first few posts. It's title is "You don't have to be excited".
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